Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize