If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
