oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
