You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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