My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize