I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
