I want to make a zoo with you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
