i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
