First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
