You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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