Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize