It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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