jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
