I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize