when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize