Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
