I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
