a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
