I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
