Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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