Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
