why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize