i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
