I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry about my life...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
