I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
