I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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