I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
