it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
