Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
