I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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