I want to have your abortion
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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