shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
