There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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