I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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