You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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