Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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