I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
