And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
