We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
