Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
