I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
