xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
