kristin has been a bad kristin
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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