I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
