at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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