hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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