i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
