And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
