OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
