So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
