I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
