so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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