watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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