there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
