I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
