Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
