so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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