Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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