i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
