Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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