Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
