drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
