do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
