i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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