He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
