im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
