i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
