I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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