The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
