I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
